The offhand answer to one of the meme questions prompted an Etsy search and I purchased a couple of beginner-level kits from KnitKnotKrafts (UK). Behold, my first cross-stitch in over twenty years:
Map of Africa

The back is a hot mess because I had forgotten that you don't tie knots in the thread, you just leave a tail and stitch over it:

I just completed a second, which is a gift for my Cthulhu-loving sister-out-law.
Octopus (sans eyes)

Much tidier back:

I feel this is an excellent step to be taking toward my bonkers blue-rinse little-old-lady aspirations.
I'm spending my Easter break on a more difficult pattern with flowers and hummingbirds. Once I've finished that, I'll get some more from Fandom Cross Stitchery. No prizes for guessing which is my favourite.