Sauntering Vaguely Downward

Despite doing the usual internet searches and having read the books on sprogging up that have been loaned to me by kind friends, I note that there are a few things no one tells you.

1. Braxton-Hicks contractions are both scary and painful. The Wikipedia article on the subject must have been written by a robot. "They should be infrequent, irregular, and involve only mild cramping." To which my response ( gets a bit sweary, frankly. )
   
   
   
2. No position you can assume will relax you once you pass a certain size threshold. I have passed that threshold. Sitting, standing and lying down are all uncomfortable. My back hurts. My feet hurt. Various limbs go numb periodically. It's horrible, and if anyone had told me in advance that I would have to spend three months in a state of constant physical pain, I would probably have insisted on having a large vat of cooling gel installed in my bathroom and would currently be dictating all my work and this post from there.
   
   
3. At some point it becomes impossible to maintain the topiary conditions of your nether regions. Forget losing sight of your feet. ( This may constitute TMI for family members and work colleagues. If you decide to read it, on your own heads be it. )