"(As opposed to the customer who tried to slip behind him while he was fishing out the one I wanted, bumped into him, put his hands on his shoulders, and said “Oh, sorry, mate.” -.-)"

GAH!!! I am not look forward to incidents like this if we go back to work any time soon. The temptation to spin around and let rip at the guy would be overwhelming, and I doubt my managers would approve. Sympathise, yes, but not approve. =:o[

(Fortunately, it looks like at least a month before we go back in any capacity whatsoever, and even then it should only be to run a contactless "click and collect" service, such as is being currently trialled at a few stores around the country.)